how I feel my life right now

Life is so beautiful, that's all I can say.

That concludes everything, but I think there are more. Right from the beginning it was not about winning or losing. But rather, it is about how we enjoy and make memories that will last forever, in our mind and also in the universe. 

I was a little bit of a shy boy when I was in school until my high school I didn't really know who I was, nor where I stand in this world. I was having some kind of identity crisis when I was early in my junior high school. But no one knew about it, even my parents, also my family because everybody is so busy with their own problems. 

 I was convinced that I was not a valuable person, at least that was what I thought I was. Every day was struggling and every day was questioning where were me in my world and in the universe and in the eyes of everyone. 

 Until recently that I have found so many ways to prove my existence, and in my mind I know that I am someone. Then I have my own place and that I have my own role.

When I was a kid I was often told that I have no value because I didn't know anything, and that was because I was the youngest and the last child. My mother really gave me that kind of understanding of who I was. Also my brothers and sisters were not really giving me the support that I needed. My brothers were busy with their own friends and their own problems even, and I was never making any problems back then. 

 I feel that my life it's always for other people, to this day. I always wanted sometime for me to really convince myself that I have an existence. That is also why I have some trouble with my friends because I always want to show them my success and my achievements. 

 I really hope that in my heart they will be a place for myself that I've always wanted. And I think I begin to realize that. 

 Thank you for everything, life.

it's been a while

This might not be a story of every man, but this is a story of a man. When you reach the age of 40 and up, you will feel a lot of changes happening in your body and mind. And I will say that most of the time this is not very pleasant. The most that you will feel an encounter is that your body is starting to deteriorating and weaker than your 20s and 30s. For me it has been a journey that I have to face my own because it is simply something that happens to one's body and not other people's. 

One of the things that I feel these days is my back getting hurt. Even though it's very subtle in the beginning but I feel that it's already happening right now. One of the first problem that I will encounter in years ahead I think. I heard that 1/3 of population will encounter this problem as well. And I can see why this happening to most of us. I heard that most people will have back problem sometime in the age. 

This is only one problem among every other problem that might possibly going after you reach the age of 40s. Of course I still remember how my body works really well in my twenties and thirties, and this time I have to really adjust to something that's going to be years ahead.

Right now I know why certain people will move or act differently than the others, it is simply because their body function is decreasing and they're no longer strong as their years before. Sometimes you see that people will slouch or move slowly in order to avoid back pain I guess. This is so funny that I will write about this right now simply because it's so different. I can feel the change that is happening.

A few other things that I feel right now in the early age of my 40s is that my focus and my mind is also deteriorating. I will have to make some exercise every morning maybe do write like this, or actually using my brain and to stay fit in every possible way. 

I have to admit that I'm quite a clever person in my it is not really bad. I have to also admit that I'm not lazy and I'm willing to make changes most of the time. And this time is one of those time that you have to really take care of yourself and start to think about your future regarding the changes that you have now. 

I might not be any more able to act like I'm in my twenties or thirties, like jumping around or running as fast as I can, because that might be so much difficult for me. 

Actually I have had my routines doing sport and also exercising my mind. I have the routines of using my cross trainer at the back of my house at least two or three times a week. And that is certainly something that you can count on at least to maintain your health at some level.

They say that exercising twice or three times a week is enough for you to be fit in your whatever age. When I was in my 30s, in my early 30s to be exact, I was in my best condition. I wish my highest in health Factor in all my life. I love you because I'm starting to go to the gym. 

In my early thirties I was the most beautiful and the sexiest man I've ever been. in my mind was as clear and Sharp ever. And I thought something like going to the gym will be something that I would do for the rest of my life because I really like doing it.

Of course that was before my 40s years of age. I'm not saying that I will give up because some of my health factors are deteriorating right now. In fact my mind and brain will always try to find the best way to adjust with every changes. And that is something that I also promise to myself that I will always try to serve my body as good as I can. 

Someone say that my body is my temple so that I will always preserve it and then taking care of it and might be worshiping it if you want. And that is something that I want to do right now.

papi's love

 

your papi's love comes with a lifetime guarantee ..

truth is

There is nothing have more power than the truth. There is nothing more compelling. Even when it Will be hurt, it has the greatest and the most beautiful power. You have to say it somehow or some way. Before it's consume you. 

The water is so beautiful today.

Baru

 Papi beli henpon baru. Mereknya Samsung. Merek kesukaan papi.

Henpon baru, harga rada lumayan, kemampuan diatas rata rata pengguna di Indonesia, karena papi pengen memaksimalkan untuk yang keren2 seperti virtual reality.

papi suka banget sama yang namanya virtual reality, karena seperti masuk ke dunia lain yang kadang ngga bisa atau ga pernah papi dapatkan, meskipun itu cuma visual dan audio. 

Ini smartphone paling keren yang pernah papi punya. Samsung Galaxy note 9.

bagaimana rasanya menjadi 60 tahun?

 Dear,

Waktu umur 41 tahun ini, rasanya berbeda dari umur 20an. Waktu umur 20an aku pernah bertanya gimana rasanya umur 60 nanti? Jawabnya adalah saat ini aku udah merasa hidup makin menjauh. Apakah hidup itu? hidup adalah ketika kamu merasa, mendengar, melihat secara penuh. Dengan sangat baik kamu mendapatkan stimuli dari dunia ini, dan merasakannya dengan baik, dengan seluruh inderamu yang juga bereaksi terhadapnya. 

Aku harap kamu bisa mengerti. Seorang pria setelah 40 tahun akan merasakan ini. Semua Pria. tidak hanya aku. Kadang ada bayangan2 kekecewaan berkelebat, mengapa aku tidak bisa seperti ini atau seperti itu. Jawabnya hanya ketika kamu melihat dirimu sendiri dari luar, baru bisa paham; ini semua adalah timeline; waktu yang akan habis masanya. 

Aku akan mati suatu saat nanti. Kenangan terhadapku juga akan hilang seiring waktu. 

Kamu yang menjadi bagian hidupku, akan tetap bersamaku. Disini, dan di saat nanti. 

Kebahagiaanku adalah penuh ketika aku bersamamu. Sedikit memang, mungkin hanya sekelebat waktu di masa kita hidup dibumi. Barangkali tak ada artinya; tapi ia tercatat disana; bersama bintang2. Kebahagiaanku menjelma menjadi cahaya2 kecil di malam gelap, siap mengajakmu tertawa kecil; disaat aku ada ataupun tiada. 

Salam letoy

 

Dulu saya sering merasa gimana gitu kalau ide dibajak orang atau diklaim, bahkan di eksploitasi dengan kerennya. Tapi seiring waktu rasanya biasa aja. Percayalah tiap ide, orang, atau karya ada tempatnya sendiri, bahkan bila bukan kita yang mengeksekusi. Itu cuma membuktikan kalau otak kamu encer, meskipun secara eksekusi lebih letoy.

#salamLetoy